My mind has been swirling. And I’ve realized that fact is pretty compatible with the chaotic behavior of my physical being. I’ll go to the kitchen to make breakfast, pull out the oatmeal and then notice the dishrag needs swapped out which suddenly has me in the laundry room starting a load of laundry just before I start calling for a child to come straighten the mudroom and take out the trash. Thirty minutes or more can easily pass before I remember the breakfast that never got made and only then due to my 3 year old who never, ever forgets his belly.
This seriously happens all the time.
I dream of being a different me. A one who is organized yet creative, planned yet spontaneous, prepared yet open to change. But for me, it’s always one way or the other. And so I currently have two crochet and one knitting project underway with about 47 other ideas open in tabs on my phone. I have yarn for about 1/4 of those ideas and time for almost none of them. Because I also currently have a child who is switching colleges mid-year, two children preparing for an overseas mission trip in March, two that have jobs nearby but no license to drive themselves there, three small ones who haven’t yet mastered the art of being as big as they are in their minds, and one husband who would like more of me than he generally finds readily available. Throw in a homeschool to keep on track and my outside-the-home responsibilities and you have the perfect recipe for ADD. Which is probably why so much of the world seems afflicted with it. Because my life is much like everyone else’s.
Which is why this year I really want to focus on the mundane. The little things. Because I believe it’s the tiny, slip-between-the-crack moments that God will use to bring us the greatest joy looking back. I want to remember the way my adult children sought me out for a chat, or the way one of them braved the absolutely frigid temperatures yesterday to take an extra shift at work and then hopped from his warmed vehicle to run back out into the cold and in the house to hug me in the predawn hours, unprompted. I want to remember the raspy squeak of my littlest one as he reminds me “I’m your baby” a minimum of 10 times a day. I want to remember the sight of my 16 year old tickling his little brothers or my 20 year old bent over Christmas legos for hours to help the lego-newbies create their first real set. I want to soak in the bliss of young ladies who want to sit close, share cocoa, and create all things yarn with me.
I want to see the fingerprints of God in every unimpressive moment. But I know I won’t unless I am determined to look for them.
My heart is heavy from the burdens of life, yet I’m learning where to take that weight. Because my heart is also full with the love of family and what feels like an endless supply of incredible friends. I have joy all around me, sent straight from the hand of God, and I don’t want to keep failing to see it because I’m focused on the wrong things. I recently stepped away from two side jobs that took me outside the home and created an atmosphere of disorder in my absence. Because money cannot ever buy peace.
Only Jesus, and taking the time to see and know Him, can do that.
On my list of things to do today are:
- personal Bible Study and prayer (which I do (did) first thing in the morning)
- foster an atmosphere of worship by bringing everyone together for devotions, morning & evening
- encourage kind words, tones and deeds (in the children and myself)
- create a sign-up sheet for our deep clean Friday
- make homemade (no-cook) playdoh
- read-aloud to my children
- plan and prepare my meal for tomorrow
- finish crocheting a warm, bulky headband
- share smiles, distribute mercy, and offer hope to my family
- offer myself grace, just as God does, for any of the non-essentials that don’t get done 🙂
What’s on your plate? In your plans? What are your hopes for this fresh gift of a new year?