slow days

 

I love the days where I don’t have much to do. Where I can casually clean the house, settle on to the couch and read book after book to my little boys, share unrushed chats about life with my girls, hang out with my husband, and even listen for what my older boys aren’t saying.

I don’t get those kind of days often, but I love them when they come.

Mostly my life feels a little like a pot of pasta over heat so high it bubbles over. It feels too hot, too full, and too messy. But with time, and age, comes wisdom. And while I still squirm when I’m pushed too hard, I’ve learned being “busy” isn’t always something to run from. Being needed isn’t a curse and being in high demand by your people is actually a blessing.

This past week was definitely demand-filled. I had the regular stuff of homeschool to facilitate, groceries to get, meals to make, laundry to do…but then there were mission-trip passports to apply for, a two day road trip, a college to register with. But God gave me a special and most unexpected gift of peace within all that.

He gave me small pockets of time where I could step away with Him and refresh. He gave me quiet in the chaos,

And I found myself realizing how much I love this life He’s given me. This life that I wouldn’t have chosen for myself. The very same life that sometimes has me in tears of overwhelm or that beats me down with doubt. I truly and honestly love it.

But the fact remains that I’m still not very good at it. And so I’ve been talking with Him about that. I’ve been asking Him why I keep making the same mistakes and why I feel stuck on repeat so often. I’ve been questioning as to why I’m not yet who I feel Him calling me to be and I’ve very nearly accussed Him of doing the calling without helping me to answer.

And then I heard His gentle whisper. It told me every step I take toward Him is another step away from where I was. And looking back, I see a long and winding trail of steps bringing me always closer to where I’m headed.

It’s the devil that wants us to focus on how far we have to go. But sweet Jesus tries to help us see where we are today. Because today is the battle currently being fought. Yesterday’s is over and tomorrow’s may never come. And it’s the relationship, not the record, that matters in the end.

Because the relationship makes it so that the record is wiped clean every.single.day when we rededicate ourselves to Him.

There is no dingy past that can hold me down. There’s no dismal future that can hold me back. There’s no chaotic day that can ruin my chances. There’s no struggle I face that can make Him change His mind about me.

And so I plod on through my messy, busy, noisy, demanding life. But first I grab His hand and borrow His strength so I can smile when the moments are tense and cry when the moments are tender and laugh when the moments are light. That is redemption, my friends. That is the acceptance of justification He’s offered by His broken body and it’s the process of sanctification He’s calling us to walk through.

It’s the cleansing and the enabling. It’s the peace of the promise.

And it’s promised to you and me both, if we’re willing to believe it.

 


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