pushing through the hard

{This post was written by my 16 year old daughter, Hannah}

When suddenly an ocean separates you from family, friends, and everything you’ve ever known, your world changes. I found myself not knowing how to react. This was my new life. Perhaps even my new normal. All the expectations, that I didn’t even think I had, surfaced. I felt confusion build up around me, with questions filling my head. EVERYTHING was so different. Not just from my expectations, but from my reality.

I’m finding the sounds outside my window very different from the ones I’m used to. Cars and motorbikes are constantly driving past. Occasionally you even hear a radio ad blasting from one of the vehicles, differing from the songs of birds or barking dogs that I usually hear. I miss being able to go outside to the quiet of the night and stargazing. I miss the moon that would shine through the dark of the night. I mean Thailand has the moon and stars but the city lights and pollution block out the full potential they have.

It’s really weird to look around you and realize that you’re limited in being able to communicate with people. To feel so different and out of place. A place where home is unknown.

One of the things I was most excited about was the food. Now that we’re here, actually eating the food, I realize I was excited about the Americanized version of Thai food. The real Thai food is much different. It’s not at all what I was expecting.

I’m just trying to figure out what God’s plan for my life is. I feel like right now, He’s stretching me out of my comfort zone to prepare me for what He has ahead. He’s reminding me that it doesn’t always have to make me feel good for me to do it.

Maybe He’s even teaching me, very slowly, what it truly means to depend on Him. Because in America I think I depended a lot on my friendships and on my feelings.

But if I’m going to survive here, I’m going to have to learn to lean on God in spite of the lack of those things.

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